Here at FeedBlitz we have been behind-the-scenes busy to create something really great for you. After months of analyzing our dream journals, vision boards, planning, designing, re-grouping and focusing on pure synergy within the dynamics of our mission, we are finally ready to reveal to you the next quantum leap in humanized, customer-centric email marketing.
The Moment of Fruition
The dew was glinting in the early morning sunlight, my diffuser gently humming next to me, when the epiphany dawned. Haven’t we always wanted to do more, be better, connect more with our audience, yet still revere the sacred space that is our subscribers’ inboxes?
Yes. Yes, we have. With the clarity that only my inner child could divine, I knew it was time to evolve, transcend what we do here at FeedBlitz. We needed to become … more. It’s no longer enough to continue to be the best automated email marketing solution around.
We needed to create a transformative experience. Take a fresh look. Re-evaluate our comfort zones. To not only deliver your message but also recreate that sensation, the one which courses through my veins and invigorates my spirit like the first sip of an early morning matcha tea before my children arise from their slumber, for every subscriber opening their hearts to your content’s ineffable enlightenment.
I found myself yearning for a truly honest, organic, fulfilling email marketing experience.
Introducing Artisanal Email, from FeedBlitz
And so. We’ve completely reinvented ourselves. Realigned our corporate chakras. Listened to the drum circle of our hearts beating in time with the thrum of our message deliveries. Artisanal Email, from FeedBlitz, will expand your subscribers’ consciousness, well beyond the veils of each one’s computer screen, smart phone or tablet.
This revolutionary new path to email marketing fulfillment not only breaks out of stale industry standards, it also simultaneously restores that vintage feel your grandparents would recognize. If your grandparents had had computers and email, back in the day. And if they had? Their perfect email service provider would look, well, a lot like Artisanal Email, from FeedBlitz:
Our new data centers are exclusively powered by renewable energy sources, including solar, wind and methane sourced from our unique industrial-scale KQCP (kale / quinoa composting plant).
Our latest servers have been hand-reared from motherboards in free range, certified-organic server farms. Always cage-free, their fans are free to spin without constraint. We never use antibiotics on any of our servers. Ever.
Emails from our publishers will be requested through our system and then typed one letter at a time on an antique Underwood typewriter, meticulously scanned into the FeedBlitz interface, then distributed into the Universe with the highest of intentions.
We will also be offering a Letterpress upgrade, for those who want a truly tactile email marketing experience.
All testing and authentication policies, including our DMARC records and DKIM headers, are now cruelty-free, never tested on animals, and are conducted from a place of pure love and light.
All email templates and subscription forms moving forward will be hand crafted with the finest materials, using only the purest of pixels to highlight and enhance your branding impact.
Every email’s background will be constructed from pure iHemp(tm), for that rough-hewn on-screen sensation which only an archaic, obsolete form of simulated paper can properly provide.
These enhancements and many more are what you can come to expect from the newly acclaimed FeedBlitz. As your Artisanal Email Service Provider, know that our mission is to create much more than mere ordinary, mass-produced, soulless, industrial email marketing messages transmitted through the interwebs.
No. Artisanal Email is different. A loving, dare we say intimate, fully enveloping email experience. The essential oil of your online presence. Your content marketing spirit animal. The tiny house your list can live in, knowing its carbon footprint is minimal and in ethereal balance with the elements.
We are more than your email service provider. We are your neighbors, your counselors, your gurus. FeedBlitz is your Artisanal Email Service Provider. And that is a relationship which will last for multiple lifetimes.
* No animals were harmed in the creation of this blog post, and trained blog whisperers were on call for the duration of its editing.
P.S. Lest our push to provide a more crunchy granola email solution has upset you, we ask that you take this piece with the sense of humor, fun and smiles with which we wrote it! No offence was intended …. Happy April Fool’s Day to all!
Easy enough for a blogger to set up in seconds, powerful enough for sophisticated corporate email campaigns, FeedBlitz is an RSS, Email and Social Automation Tool to take your email marketing to the next level. Visit us online to learn more or start your 30 Day Free Trial!