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"Golu rolls on" - 5 new articles

  1. And that's all I want Santa
  2. Good to go: A prelude to the importance of statistics
  3. Perms for Shanti
  4. I would like to take this opportunity to ...
  5. Is Tyler my bad dream? Or am I Tyler's?
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  7. Search Golu rolls on

And that's all I want Santa

People often come up with different terms for periods of lull. Bears are believed to be hibernating. Graduate students work away furiously to make the world a better place. Me ... I decided to sit back with my hands behind my head, look at the world around me, take a deep breath and then just sigh! Just when I was enjoying my moment of calm, I was interrupted by that one person I have so come to love to hate - RAJ.

So he messaged me yesterday about this new movie 'Rab ne bana di jodi' which seems to have created quite the rage in India. A hard hitting movie that apparently portrays all the dark realities of this unforgiving thing called life and delivers one tight resounding slap in the face of all atheists and non-believers of God and Flea - it informs us that we would know we have found our respective soulmates if we see GOD in them. But Raj wasn't perturbed by that fact. He was more disturbed by the fact that the movie's male lead has an uber-cool alter-ego called Raj who really is not cool. Poor Raj feels that this hasn't done his image any good and wishes to sue the movie for copying a lot of his trademark pickup lines like 'Raj....Naam to suna hoga'. Somewhere deep down, I do sympathise for poor Raj. But just when I was about to put my hand around him and tell him that life is indeed a bitch, he mentioned that he was piqued by some other point.

Apparently, when the heroine is asked what it is that a girl looks for in a guy, she quips quite innocently, 'Ek ladki bas itna chahti hai ki koi ladka usse itna pyaar kare, jitna kisi ne kisi se nahin kiya hoga...bas'. At this juncture I insisted on taking the proverbial pause and exclaim WHAT THE F**K? How is the damn 'bas' even justified. By the very definition of the task, it is something that has not been done before and in all probability due to the sheer impossibility of the task. Yet the damn thing is so easily trivialised. Since Xmas is here, here goes my request to Santa 'Dear Santa ji....main aisi ladki chahta hoon jo bas Katrina Kaif aur Priyanka Chopra se zyada maal ho...bas'.


Good to go: A prelude to the importance of statistics

Very rarely does it happen, that I get to sit down in silence, stare into the darkness, collect my thoughts and smile to myself. Quite rare indeed, that these events happen at the same time by some random chance. However, as I type these words, I sit with a smile that could put the Cheshire cat to shame. The confused reader sports a quizzical look and poses a very innocent question in its most concise form - WHY ? Since, I love an element of mystery, I shall choose not to divulge my reasons and shall simply smile back in reply.

While the confused reader has definitely added frustration to the ongoing emotions, I would like to pre-empt the reader from developing such negative thoughts and give out some info. It so happens that an incident I had foreseen NEVER to take place, is becoming more and more probable to occur. While the darned element of mystery is still screaming out to me that I seal my lips, I have to say that this is something I cannot keep to myself. That stupid sonofagun Raj has somehow surfaced after a long period of dormant activity. I have been in touch with him for the last week or so and I am still amazed as to how he can still keep going stronger than ever before. Let alone stronger, I think his mental powers have begun to desert him and he is getting thicker by the day. I promise the faithful reader that there will be more blog entries dedicated to Raj, in spite of all the resistance put up by him.

Most importantly, I (also) smile because somewhere between being enamored by amazing wine and women, there are a bunch of drunken Frenchmen (and women) who would love listening to the axeman of FFF perform "Dooba Dooba". Here's to a hopeful reunion of FFF and a hopeful revival of this blog.





Perms for Shanti

[Please insert your favourite heavy metal riff here]. I would highly recommend Megadeth's She Wolf for that riff, but then I won't judge you for choosing something else. I am sure you can picture the scene of all the arena lights dimming away and the spotlight slowly making its way towards a guy relentlessly riffing in a corner. But before you move ahead, please stop and give TAV and Sumanth 2 kicks in the nuts each, as the b@st@rds completely ruined my plan to use this particular scenario for a comeback post (if it were to ever happen). Well the comeback post has happened, but the damn novelty is lost. Anyways, I throw my wristband towards Zubin. Sorry Sumanth! Since I don't use a pick you will have to just make do with my re-entry.

Although it was quite boring to not blog, I do quite curse myself for starting blogging again. Must find a new identity to blog as. Anyways what brings me back is a brilliant piece of conversation that I was lucky enough to witness last weekend over dinner with 2 fellow musicians. For the sake of anonymity, I shall refer to them as the beast and the sophie.

Beast: So when do you actually say that a guy and girl are boyfriend and girlfriend ?
Golu: [waiting to see what sophie has to say]
Sophie: [after a moment's pause and trying to be a bit indirect] I guess when they express interest in each other to have some sort of physical relationship ... you know make out and stuff.
Golu: [nodding in agreement] Yes! Otherwise to me it would seem like just a normal friendship.
Beast: OK! So now tell me what is this "make out". I have never quite got this concept.
Sophie: Well make out is simple kissing and stuff. The things that American kids do in school because they are not allowed to have sex. [Pausing to sip on his drink] Actually, it is also what most of the Indian youth does, because they are not allowed to have sex.

some time passes

Golu: some juicy gossip ... and so he got a girlfriend over the weekend.
Beast: OK! So does that mean they had sex or made out over the weekend?
Sophie & Golu: [in unison] NOOOOO!

Sophie and Golu look at each other wondering how they can explain it to the beast.

Sophie: Abey, it is like chmod !!!


THAT right there is the mark of a brilliant man. Call me a geek, a dork or whatever you want, but you HAVE to admit that no one could have put it in better words than Sophie's. If you did not get that joke, I extend my sincere apologies. However, I shall not ruin that amazing joke by elaborating on its meaning.

Geek log zindabad !!!


I would like to take this opportunity to ...

... take the words of the great Layne Staley, mince them a bit and declare that my blog has faced the path of time. Yes! You've guessed it right. This will be my last post on "Golu rolls on." I have no particular reason to stop blogging here other than the fact that I just don't feel like blogging anymore. It's just like the moment when Forrest stops running. I feel that I have written about most of the things I felt about dearly, expressed myself as much as I would have liked to publicly and now there is nothing more for me to say.

Needless to say, it was fun writing the entries of the blog and I would like to thank all the faithful readers who showered their appreciations. I found it quite satisfying that when I penned my personal experiences as fictional stories, more often than not, people empathised with me and shared my point of view. I, however, would like to clarify a misnomer raised by a good friend [actually 4 good friends] today, and one that has been raised many a times in the past. NO NO NO, I am not that desperate. Sigh! What ever happened to humour license ? [or whatever is the humour equivalent to poetic license !]

Personally, I would have liked to stop at #50, but I guess 47 will do. I am considering co-blogging with Ro on a separate tangent altogether, but that is just an idea at the moment. I guess that will have a totally different reader base, merely to ensure a lack of bias while reading. Till then it is tatax! Also ... you guys out there who do continue to blog, please do so regularly. I still need to do something in my free time, and what better way to spend it than random commenting.


Is Tyler my bad dream? Or am I Tyler's?

While the innocent reader of this blog begins to believe that he/she is in a perpetual state of deja vu, I would like to take this moment and announce that the intention of this blog is in no way to stress upon my misadventures with the fairer kind. While this announcement is sincere in its mission statement, I can see people like Ro mocking me by making statements such as "Oh! But that would mean the entire world Golu." Very funny! I wonder how it's working out for such people ... being clever that is ?

I hope that people have caught most of the hints I dropped along the way as to what this particular entry is aimed at. For people who still have not been able to figure out (Read: Zubin), this entry is dedicated to schizophrenia. Of late, I have come to be quite convinced of the fact that I am schizophrenic. I really have two personalities. The first one being Golu, who is a happy go lucky and talkative character with a wide smile perpetually across his face. Golu loves to hang out with his friends, watch movies, listen to funk, play his guitar, etc. If you get the picture I've tried to sketch, Golu is all for fun and frolic. However, there is a darker side to Golu and that is my second personality, who surprisingly is also named Golu. While most of you are laughing at my lack of creativity to come up with different names of my personalities, I would like to consider it as a mark of brilliance that the two personalities can switch between each other and yet not let the others know. Now Golu from Darksville is a very morose character who does not trust his surroundings. He begins to question everything around him and begins to doubt the best of his friends. Let alone having a sense of humour, Golu finds pleasure in sulking and being morose. A little bit like John Nash in the movie, Golu feels that the world is against him and he is the only one who can see through the conspiracy. He is however brought back to reality through some trout-slapping by his friends Ro and Renta. The most striking feature however is that Golu has the capability to come up with the crappiest mushy songs which do later provide a source of entertainment to the light-hearted Golu.

Having formulated such a nice theory, I decided to discuss its details with my good friend Ro. After he had finished his daily duties of Technical Support where most of the answers are usually "Yes Ma'am, restart the program and it will work.", Ro finally agreed to listen to what I had to say. I believe that the only thing I told him was that I am schizophrenic and he immediately refuted my statement. I do have to say that although I had begin to doubt Ro's intellectual capabilities since the time he joined Technical Support, his systematic and logical argument against my statement proved yet again why he is one of my closest friends. In fact, I think that his argument could be a great contribution to the medical community and help a lot of people save money wasted on their shrinks just to find out that they are OK. Readers, hold on to your seats as I unveil to you one of the best arguments I have ever heard (with absolutely no sarcasm, mind you!) [please insert your favourite drum roll here] "Gudda Dheeraj. You can't be schizophrenic. You are not that cool!" Now, while you are thinking how I get amused at the very smallest of things, I would request you to hold on. It doesn't end here. I began to narrate my theory to another friend B. Again, I had just uttered the first line of my theory and he immediately seemed to jump up in joy. He said, "I always knew you were schizophrenic. You were too big to be just one person." As a wise person once said, proximity does breed familiarity.

Now the funny part is that the story doesn't end here. I came back home not too sure whether my theory was false or not. So there I was on my couch, watching television and reading my favourite blogs, when the doorbell rang. My roommate got up to answer the door and all I heard was a series of 'Hi's. Forcing myself out of the nice snug position I had rolled myself into, I leaned forward to look at the door. Now don't get me wrong or start judging me, but I found before me a girl who was definitely the cutest of the lot I had seen that day. Now I do realise that this blog might have an increasing number of readers, but to expect someone so cute show up at my place on a Friday night is a bit disconcerting. So there was my chance to score with a cute girl and convert my dreams into reality. I began to search for something clever to say, something that would make me an instant hit. This would be my moment of victory to which I could look back and draw inspiration later. As the seconds hand inched forward, the words finally hit me and I spoke. "ermm Hi!"

Cute Girl: Hi
Me: Hi
Cute Girl: Hi! I am looking for Tyler.
Me: I am Jack's total awe for Golu's theory on schizophrenia. Excuse me ?
Cute Girl: Tyler stays here right ?
Me: I am Jack's irritation at being named Golu and not Tyler Durden. Errm no.
Cute Girl: [visibly embarassed] I am so sorry but I must be in the wrong house.
Me: I am Jack's extreme sorrow. Yeah I guess you are looking for the house next door.
Cute Girl: I'm sorry for the trouble. Bye.
Me: I am still Jack's extreme sorrow.

I am still waiting in hope that she was looking for Golu and not Tyler Durden. But something tells me that she won't be back. I know that, because Tyler knows that. Till then I will have to find a way to cope with my alter-ego and make sure that he doesn't get the best of me.


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