Every time we start to plan for our next family reunion, there it is among the suggestions -- hiking. In the 18,000 family reunions we've had, hiking ALWAYS comes up. Wanna know how many times we've actually gone hiking? Zero. Wanna know why? Because hiking is stupid. It's...

I got a $1,000 traffic ticket. In my latest dumb dream, that is.

So there I was in my dream, driving down a highway, when some turd in an ugly boxy sedan swerved right in front of me just as I was exiting the road. Then the guy just hit his brakes and slowed down to about 1 mph on the exit...

Everything is falling apart, nothing works, all my crap is broken, I can't fix any of it... and I want some Skittles.

My old VW bug won't turn over. Won't even try. People tell me, "The good thing about old Bugs is that they're really easy to fix." Yeah, well maybe if you're not...