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- YEDIDUT NEFESH
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- Stigma & Bais Shame Us All
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- Search BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS
 Along with my neurological and endocrinological problems - my cardiac problems were getting worse but have been halted in their tracks. All the medical testing in the world can only show the physical effects and try to treat them.
But I know in my soul where the root of the problem is. It isn't just my lifetime of being a target for interpersonal exploitation & abuse, being invalidated and opprobriated by those I trusted... it's this:
"A debilitating weariness brought about by repetitive, empathic response to pain and suffering, compassion fatigue is a result of absorbing and internalizing the emotions of clients and, sometimes, coworkers, explains Karl LaRowe, MA, LCSW. It's an occupational hazard that may affect any professional who works day in and day out with those who are physically, mentally, or emotionally challenged or those who have been traumatized - whether by illness, violence or other tragedies."
"Compassion fatigue, says LaRowe, is nothing less than secondary traumatic stress, and its effects are much the same as those of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The signs and symptoms, he observes, at first tend to be psychological and emotional, but may soon become behavioral, physical, and spiritual . The repercussions, both personal and professional, are costly.
 Compassion fatigue,' LaRowe explains, 'can result in distraction, hypersensitivity, overload, and misperception in our communications with self and others.' It frequently leads, he adds, to physical illness, and to the No. 1 ailment of caregivers: clinical depression. LaRowe notes that the comorbid conditions most often associated with and closely related to trauma is depression."
'Many of us have chosen to go into the health profession in general, and to work with traumatized people in particular, because we've experienced trauma in our own lives.'
FULL ARTICLE
"misperception in our communications with self and others"? Heck, yeah. Despite now having a lot of sound education under my belt to help those I am committed to help, in my personal life I sometimes continue to trust the wrong people.
Many of my friends continue to also trust the wrong people. And we are by and large very intelligent, independent, savvy - but wounded. We still lead with our hearts which make us targets. We hold our hands out to one another and hang on for dear life.
And we are bound together by shared psychic pain & yes, the unending pain of true yedidut nefesh.
 The care, concern, and warmth which are stimulated by yedidut nefesh, deep friendship, remind us that our souls can still experience emotions other than pain and fear. When reality has forcibly relinquished all control, these ties are still within our purview. The bonds between us and those closest to us keep us going. With every passing day we, as parents, are devastated by the realization that we can no longer protect our children; yet our indefatigable response is to cling to them more and more. In the face of such adversity, our resilient souls never tire of showering our children with limitless love.
(FULL ARTICLE)
RELATED:
Medical Conditions & Toxic Relationships
by David Kenney Waterford
In his first State of the Union address, President Obama stated that during the first year of his tenure he and his staff did not do their jobs, no plans for immediate action were formulated and even more is being done behind closed doors.
His theme, "change you can believe in," was and remains a vacuous, insipid platitude that continues to keep him in campaign mode to this day.
Americans are really not stupid enough to allow him and his staff to continue to blame George W. Bush for all evils forever. President Obama has been staring at the problems for a year and owes it to us that he finally rises to the occasion. That he does not may be evidence that he is set on the ruination of America.
He signals his malignant narcissism by the folding and dropping of his hands on the lectern at every point. His doing so signals that he believes he has formulated and delivered an absolute truth and to even discuss it would be futile.
SOURCE 
Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but stigma and bias shame us all.” - Bill Clinton
Since the Virgina Tech Tragedy in April and this week's numerous shootings, I have been spending a lot of my online time searching for what the Torah and the Jewish Sages have to say about mental illness, depression and the treatment of trauma.
For too long we have swept the problems of mental illness under the carpet... and hoped that they would go away. -- Richard J. Codey
Some of what I read was oversimplification. Some of it assumes a level playing field with all the mentally ill. Some of it, unfortunately, posits that mental illness can be controlled by willpower - ignoring medical research that points to the fact that mental illness is caused by chemical changes in the brain that are often permanent and sometimes genetic in cause. Additionally, some say that depression from abuse can be overcome by sheer willpower, completely ignoring once again - that abuse and trauma can cause permanent changes in the way the brain does business.
There was this interesting article that said scientists could develop drugs that would "erase" painful memories. I wonder how it would know which could be erased and which to leave alone? Would it change personality? And is this really what Hashem wanted? Aren't we the sum total of our experiences good and bad? In my experience, the more soul rending my experience, as much as it harms me, often spurs me to better living and positive action. So should such a drug be available only to war and terrorism survivors perhaps? Ethical dilemmas abound!
Mental Illness is a horrible scourge that is far too often swept under the rug. I remember arguing with my mother in th 1980s than homosexuality was not a mental illness that could be cured. (Arguing with my mother was like spitting in the wind, and if you 'won' the argument you paid for it over & over in perpetuity. I hadn't yet realized or dealt with the fact that she had a mental illness which she refused to have diagnosed or treated) In the 50s and 60s it was "mother's little helper" - valium - which calmed the mind but often took its toll on the body. Today we have Zoloft, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Celexa and so on.
Personally, I take one of these drugs and I wish I had started on it a long time ago. Just as with my old feeling that being divorced would make me a 'statistic' and 'a failure', I felt taking something would stigmatize me as "mentally ill" and that I should just "tough out" the effects of a lifetime of abuse left on me. I was wrong. Yet, in our culture this stigma still remains. If Virginia Tech was our wake up call - its time we as a society answered the clue phone.
There are enough people out there who still equate mental illness with damaged goods that can't be fixed. -- Patty Duke
I will share one of the more interesting articles I came across in my net search about Judaism's take on mental health. At the bottom I have posted a good article from the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) about mental health. Shalom.
Mental Health and the Torah
By David Wexelman
In the story of the creation of the world as explained by the Arizal in Sefer "Etz Chaim" is contained important knowledge for man striving for the perfection of himself and to help others reach their own perfection. This knowledge is useful in healing mental illness. The knowledge of the soul is called Torat HaNefesh. It is not Kaballah but it is interwoven within Kaballah.
Mental illness more than physical illness affects the soul. The soul of man is a part of God, a spiritual spark connected to an eternal source and truth as it says, "the candle of God is the soul of man," "my soul, you gave it to me, it is pure, you formed it, you blew it into me." The soul has three garments which are thought, speech, and action. The soul is above these three garments clothed within them. Mental illness affects these garments, primarily thought, but does not pollute the pure Jewish soul. The pure Jewish soul suffers exile under these polluted garments.
Most people neglect the study of the soul and truth. They are content with life in its simplicity. These topics are deep, confusing, and dangerous. They need to be taught by a Rebbe, a teacher and guide, who has answered the difficult questions which are forbidden to ask oneself. This teacher may have himself suffered mental illness before beginning his search for truth.
Those that suffer mental illness are forced to look into themselves, to be introspective. They begin to think deeply, to ask deep questions. They become tormented by these questions about themselves which they cannot answer. Depression and anxiety is the result. A thought can get into their heads which they cannot remove. This thought can become infected. It can infect other thoughts, resulting in psychosis. Once a person begins to ask questions about himself, he cannot stop.
Therefore the sages tell us, "Learn Torah." Understand the Gemora in its simple context. The evil inclination is telling you to think and eat from the tree of knowledge.
There are two alternatives for those that are depressed. The first alternative is to heal the depression without changing the life of the person. This can be done in cases of light depression caused by trauma. They return to the simplicity of life. They get the bug out of their heads. If the depression returns, it is a sign that changes have to made in the person's life. They need a closer relationship with God. They cannot ignore the hidden secret of life which resides within their soul. They must find within themselves the divine presence. About this it says in psalms, "God the healer of the broken hearted, he bandages their depression," "Close is God to the broken hearted," He lights my candle, God reaches into my darkness." Only when they find this close relationship with God can they be healed. They must work to sustain this connection with God, that it should grow. To do this they need the Torah.
The first connection with God for the mentally ill is through prayer and meditation. Prayer is with the eyes open in most cases, and meditation is with the eyes closed. Meditation is an extension of prayer, the service of the heart. The work of the healer is to bring God closer, from the distant heavens down to the earth below in the heart of flesh. To do this is needed a correction of the soul, to unite the soul with its source which is above thought. About this its says in prophets, "I will remove from you the heart of stone, and give you a heart of flesh." With this connection to its source which is above thought, can be controlled and overcome the bad destructive thoughts of the mind. These thoughts can be pushed away from the conscious mind.
The soul rests in God. This means that in God there is peace and tranquillity. This resting place is hidden under the thorns and thistles of stress. It is a shelter and refuge for the mentally ill like the Succah is the protection from the rays of the sun in the wilderness, like it says in Psalms, "he places me in a Succah in the day of trouble." The work of the healer is to teach the mentally ill how to protect themselves from their destructive feelings by closing their eyes in prayer and meditation. Part of this instruction is to learn a technique of breathing with a simple sound to connect the ears, the nose and mouth with the calm and quiet soul which dwells within. This sound makes the connection like the sound of prayer. There are other relaxation techniques including counting numbers in a specific way, listening to the sounds of nature with the eyes closed, and by saying Psalms and Proverbs and closing the eyes in the middle to connect to the soul. All the techniques of relaxation are to connect to the still and quiet soul that has been untouched by mental illness. This is the meaning of the words, "The Lord is my refuge." The healing for mental illness is to ask of God "to dwell in the house of God all the days of my life, to see the pleasantness of God and to enter into his palace." The house of God is the soul, the place of the divine presence.
The two primary connections to the soul which must be made in healing mental illness are through the eyes and ears. The ears are a more internal connection than the eyes. Hearing is more internal than sight. Sight and sound are two worlds. The eyes and ears are windows of the soul. They should be open and clean. In the mentally ill these windows are blocked. First the window of sight should be opened. Then by closing the eyes and listening to the sounds of nature is opened the window of sound, most important to experience peace and tranquillity the inner silence.
To know yourself and to know God are interwoven one within the other. God is hidden behind the stress of life. When you calm yourself, you discover God in his own house which is your soul. Stress can separate the soul from God. When you become relaxed they are reunited. You feel this connection when you close the eyes. To find this connection requires a teacher. The teacher opens up the windows so the light of God can shine through them. The teacher solves the problem of an empty heart by filling it with the light of God. He does this through visual contact and through speech.
The Eye of Mercy and the Silver Cup
The Torah teaches that 99% of all people die of the evil eye. This means that most diseases are rooted in spiritual causes, especially the diseases of the soul called mental illness. Our father Joseph endowed with the holy spirit to interpret dreams is the Torah Mystical Psychologist. His eye is the eye of mercy, and his tool for healing sick souls is his silver cup. About Joseph is said in Genesis by his father Jacob, "Ben Porat Joseph, Ben Porat the revolving(inner) eye." With his Eye of Mercy he heals diseases. With the power of his soul, he lifts the sick out of the mud; brings them up to stand firmly on dry land. The Torah mystical psychologist is the student of his father Joseph. He heals with the energy of the soul through transferring this energy through the eyes. The word for Eye in the Hebrew language is equivalent to five times the name of God YHVH whose attribute is mercy. The word for cup is equivalent to the name of God whose attribute is justice. The word for silver cup is equal to five times the numerical value of the word Good. The result is changed over justice to mercy. The patient is healed.
The Examination and Treatment
The Torah Mystical Psychologist or Kaballist examines the patient by looking into his eyes with the silver cup. After looking into his eyes the cup is placed on the table between him and the patient. The patient is instructed to look at the cup. If the patient has a blockage it is reflected into the cup. This reflection appears as a shadow that hovers over the silver cup. The next step is to open the sense of sight to be again a clear window of the soul. This is done in a procedure which takes from one half hour to two hours depending upon the severity of the condition. Finally the mind has been cleaned out of all delusions, infected thoughts, and other blockages. The patient can now close his eyes to receive Menuchat HaNefesh (the resof the soul) or inner peace and tranquillity.
With the silver cup of Joseph and the Eye of Mercy is opened the blockage preventing the light of God to enter the eyes. The eyes become relaxed. They can be closed to receive the sound of silence and peace. The Torah teaches, "You should not go after your eyes and your heart." The eyes should be relaxed which is the mind and the heart relaxed which are the ears. They should be ready to receive the light of God hidden under the stress of life. About this it says in Genesis, "it was evening and it was morning the first day." When the stress is removed which is the night, than day is discovered, which is God's day." An additional soul is granted to those that have conquered the night which is anxiety and depression. This additional soul is to know God hidden under the stress of life. Through the correction of the eyes with the use of the silver cup is brought down the concept of God from the distant heavens onto the earth below into the heart of flesh. The attribute of justice is changed over to mercy. At the same time the self image which had become blemished is repaired. The difference between the divine attribute of justice and mercy is that mercy allows God and man to exist together, the love of God and the love of your neighbor like yourself. The attribute of justice demands complete self sacrifice. Personal feelings are suppressed. The righteous man who serves God whose attribute is mercy, serves God with joy and delight. He receives pleasure from his service of God. God's mercy is primary for the mentally ill. They need God and His mercy upon them. The attribute of mercy heals them. They need God to be closer than the heavens above. They need Him in their heart and in their souls.
The Kaballah teaches that the Black of the Eye is the attribute of justice and the white of the eye is the attribute of mercy. In people with depression and anxiety, the black of the eyes became damaged through stress and trauma. In the black of the eye there is a fluid which strengthens the ego. In the black is the animal instincts of man. A healthy person has a strong will to survive. The will to survive is in the black of the eye. The shortage of this fluid in the black of the eye must be replenished. This fluid is produced by the white of the eye during rest with the eyes closed. In this way relaxation exercises with the eyes closed heal the black of the eye and restore the ego to the person. The correction with the silver cup washes out and cleanses the black of the eyes to be able to receive this fluid through relaxation exercises.. Afterwards follow up treatment with relaxation exercises like listening to the sounds of nature with the eyes closed and the healing breath meditations. The ego is restored to the person. He is again in control of his life. The "I am" of the person which means "if I am not for myself who will be for me," rules over the "me." The "I" and "me" have been united again in the proper balance. The "I" is the ego. The "me" is his sensitivity and emotions.
The "I" and the "me" are the man and his reflection. The "me" is his self image. In mental illness the self image has become blemished. There are bad feelings about oneself. This is due to not being satisfied with oneself for many reasons. There is a bad self image with depression and anxiety. The self image is in the mind, the thought of oneself. Depression is thinking about oneself too much. Anxiety is the bad reactions to the self image. The correction made with the silver cup separates the "I" and "me" which had become tied up in knots. It unties these knots. Then through relaxation they can be united again in the right way. The "me" is not real; it is only an image called myself. Between the "I" and the "me" should be HaShem(God) who unites them like male and female in one person. HaShem is the attribute of mercy.
Uniting with HaShem
There is a difference between God the attribute of justice and the attribute of mercy. God the attribute of justice never unites with man, always remains separate. The Etz Chaim of the Arizal separates The Infinite One Blessed be He and the first of all emanations which is Admon Kadmon, the supernal man. The Infinite One is separate from his creation and the Supernal Man is united with the earth and man below. The Infinite One has no form or name while the supernal man is related to man below. The Kaballah added to the Infinite One whose attribute is justice, the supernal man the attribute of mercy. The supernal man is God. The infinite One is God. Since there is only One God and not two, the Infinite one is the attribute of justice, and the supernal man the attribute of mercy of the One God. The Kaballah added the image of the supernal man to God which is the attribute of mercy which allows the Love of God to exist with the Love of one's neighbor, like its says, "Love your neighbor like yourself." Man and God are united by the attribute of mercy. It is possible to unite with God whose attribute is mercy but not with God whose attribute is justice.
The book, Etz Chaim of the Arizal, teaches that the supernal man is divided into five levels. The supernal man stretches out from the top of the highest world to the bottom of the lowest world where the man of flesh dwells. Everything is included in the supernal man. The supernal man is one. There is no other. There is nothing separate from him. He is the life of the universe. Only the infinite One transcends over the supernal man. God's justice transcends over his mercy. Mercy and justice are one.
Within the supernal man is contained this world and man that dwells in it. This world is the lowest world called the world of action. In the supernal man is contained the macrocosm of the universe and microcosm of the universe. Man is the microcosm of the universe. Just as there are five levels of the supernal man which is the macrocosm of the universe, in man, the microcosm, there are five levels of the soul. These five levels are called NaranChay. They include all four worlds and the world of the infinite. At the bottom of the lowest world is man. In the soul of man at the bottom of the supernal man, there are also five levels. About the supernal man and man on earth it says, "the heavens is the place of God, and the earth the place where he rests his feet."
The soul of the man below also has five levels like the supernal man the life of all worlds. The first of these levels within the soul of the man of flesh is the resting of the soul and breath called Menuchat HaNefesh. In Menuchat HaNefesh is contained all the other levels. Menuchat HaNefesh is also called Shabbat. From Menuchat HaNefesh or the resting of the soul emanates peace, faith, and joy. Similarly it is taught in the Kaballah that there are four fundamental elements which interact in creation, earth, water, fire and air. It is taught that Earth is the vessel for everything. In earth there is water, fire and air which is the energy of creation. Earth is the ground in which the breath rests called Menuchat HaNefesh. Menuchat HaNefesh, is also called Shabbat, the seventh day of rest.
The intellect should rule over the heart. This is in a majority of cases. When the intellect breaks down, it is a sign that it is time to incorporate the heart and emotions into your life. Feelings are usually repressed. People ignore their feelings. They are afraid of their feelings. People live their whole life with intellect. They get away with it; but sometimes the heart and emotions rebel against the intellect. It is time to make peace; to learn the secret of the heart.
The work of directing special souls to serve God from the heart with Menuchat HaNefesh (tranquility) belongs Torah Psychologists that know how to unite the heart and mind with God. Torah psychology is a very high level of knowledge. It includes the knowledge of Jewish Law, the knowledge of the soul acquired through meditation and prayer, and the knowledge of the Kaballah. Most religious leaders are experts at Jewish law, but have not reached deeply into the knowledge of the soul and the Kabballah. The Torah Psychol with his knowledge opens up to others the secret of the Shabbat, Menuchat HaNefesh, resting of the soul which includes in it peace, faith, joy and the entire Torah.
Modern Psychologists know how to relax people. They know how to hypnotize people. They reveal to people their inner feelings. The problem with modern psychology is that it does not connect these feeling with faith in God and the way of God. They do not make the complete and perfect correction of the soul. Torah psychologists make this complete and perfect correction. The correction is made in all the garments of the soul thought, speech and action. Torah and mitzvahs offers a constructive moral life for those who have suffered from mental illness. After the Torah psychologist has made the connection between God, the Torah and his patient, the spiritual disease of the soul has been cured. The mentally ill and depressed have a new life, a Refuah Shelaima like it says in Psalms, "I today have been born."
There are many souls that need spiritual help. To save one soul is to save the whole world. There is no disease that cannot be cured especially mental illness. The cure for mental illness is to find God, and the divine presence which dwells in each and every soul.
Rabbi David Wexelman affiliated with the School of Kaballah of Haim Vital in Jerusalem runs the Jerusalem Free Clinic for the mentally ill using Torah Psychology. If you are interested in corresponding with him his email address is rebdavid@netvision.net.il or Telephone # 011-972-2-5859-452. He has a Web page at Http://www.carasso.com/kaballah
CLICK HERE FOR THE ORIGINAL POST
What is Mental Illness: Mental Illness Facts
Mental illnesses are medical conditions that disrupt a person’s thinking, feeling, mood, ability to relate to others, and daily functioning. Just as diabetes is a disorder of the pancreas, mental illnesses are medical conditions that often result in a diminished capacity for coping with the ordinary demands of life.
Serious mental illnesses include major depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), panic disorder, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), destructive narcissistic and borderline personality disorder. The good news about mental illness is that recovery is possible.
Mental illnesses can affect persons of any age, race, religion, or income. Mental illnesses are not the result of personal weakness, lack of character, or poor upbringing. Mental illnesses are treatable. Most people diagnosed with a serious mental illness can experience relief from their symptoms by actively participating in an individual treatment plan.
In addition to medication treatment, psychosocial treatment such as cognitive behavioral therapy, interpersonal therapy, peer support groups, and other community services can also be components of a treatment plan and that assist with recovery. The availability of transportation, diet, exercise, sleep, friends, and meaningful paid or volunteer activities contribute to overall health and wellness, including mental illness recovery.
Here are some important facts about mental illness and recovery:
* Mental illnesses are biologically based brain disorders. They cannot be overcome through "will power" and are not related to a person's "character" or intelligence.
* Mental disorders fall along a continuum of severity. Even though mental disorders are widespread in the population, the main burden of illness is concentrated in a much smaller proportion — about 6 percent, or 1 in 17 Americans — who suffer from a serious mental illness. It is estimated that mental illness affects 1 in 5 families in America.
* The World Health Organization has reported that four of the 10 leading causes of disability in the US and other developed countries are mental disorders. By 2020, Major Depressive illness will be the leading cause of disability in the world for women and children.
* Mental illnesses usually strike individuals in the prime of their lives, often during adolescence and young adulthood. All ages are susceptible, but the young and the old are especially vulnerable.
* Without treatment the consequences of mental illness for the individual and society are staggering: unnecessary disability, unemployment, substance abuse, homelessness, inappropriate incarceration, suicide and wasted lives; The economic cost of untreated mental illness is more than 100 billion dollars each year in the United States.
* The best treatments for serious mental illnesses today are highly effective; between 70 and 90 percent of individuals have significant reduction of symptoms and improved quality of life with a combination of pharmacological and psychosocial treatments and supports.
* With appropriate effective medication and a wide range of services tailored to their needs, most people who live with serious mental illnesses can significantly reduce the impact of their illness and find a satisfying measure of achievement and independence. A key concept is to develop expertise in developing strategies to manage the illness process.
* Early identification and treatment is of vital importance; By ensuring access to the treatment and recovery supports that are proven effective, recovery is accelerated and the further harm related to the course of illness is minimized.
* Stigma erodes confidence that mental disorders are real, treatable health conditions. We have allowed stigma and a now unwarranted sense of hopelessness to erect attitudinal, structural and financial barriers to effective treatment and recovery. It is time to take these barriers down. CLICK HERE FOR ORIGINAL POST
CDC: Suicides among middle-aged spikes
By MIKE STOBBE
(December 2007) The suicide rate among middle-aged Americans has reached its highest point in at least 25 years, a new government report said Thursday.
The rate rose by about 20 percent between 1999 and 2004 for U.S. residents ages 45 through 54 — far outpacing increases among younger adults, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported.
In 2004, there were 16.6 completed suicides per 100,000 people in that age group. That's the highest it's been since the CDC started tracking such rates, around 1980. The previous high was 16.5, in 1982.
Experts said they don't know why the suicide rates are rising so dramatically in that age group, but believe it is an unrecognized tragedy.
The general public and government prevention programs tend to focus on suicide among teenagers, and many suicide researchers concentrate on the elderly, said Mark Kaplan, a suicide researcher at Portland State University.
"The middle-aged are often overlooked. These statistics should serve as a wake-up call," Kaplan said.
Roughly 32,000 suicides occur each year — a figure that's been holding relatively steady, according to the Suicide Prevention Action Network, an advocacy group.
Experts believe suicides are under-reported. But reported rates tend to be highest among those who are in their 40s and 50s and among those 85 and older, according to CDC data.
The female suicide rates are highest in middle age. The rate for males — who account for the majority of suicides — peak after retirement, said Dr. Alex Crosby, a CDC epidemiologist.
Researchers looked at death certificate information for 1999 through 2004. Overall, they found a 5.5 percent increase during that time in deaths from homicides, suicides, traffic collisions and other injury incidents.
The largest increases occurred in the 45 to 54 age group. A large portion of the jump in deaths in that group was attributed to unintentional drug overdoses and poisonings — a problem the CDC reported previously.
But suicides were another major factor, accounting for a quarter of the injury deaths in that age group. The suicide count jumped from 5,081 to 6,906 in that time.
In contrast, the suicide rate for people in their 20s — the other age group with the most dramatic increase in injury deaths — rose only 1 percent.
SOURCE 
by Kathy Krajco
The victims of narcissists are relentlessly re-victimized by a rationale for blaming the victim called co-dependence.
I am still waiting for some evidence or explanation to persuade me that there is such a thing, so I’m still open to the idea. But, sorry, I haven’t heard a single reason to think that there even is such a thing as co-dependence. So, I am very skeptical.
I’ll share my reasons for that skepticism, not so much to persuade you as to give you reason for pause, some food for thought.
Reason 1
I trust science, including medical science. But not blindly. I know science and have seen enough bad science to have no illusions about the integrity of scientists and doctors. I know that they are just people, as capable of dishonesty as any other people, that they herd, gaining up in groupthink. They mocked Louis Pasteur. They predicted the end of the world by now due to population explosion. They ignored the evidence in favor of a low carbohydrate diet for decades, till it suddenly became the politically correct rage. And now they are pulling the same stunt with their faux science on global warming.
But the rest of science and medical science is squeaky clean compared to psychology. I have always been amazed at what passes for “science” in psychology. Psychology experiments are notorious for not following scientific method, even to the point of not controlling the variables. True, other doctors sometimes differ in their diagnoses, and we can identify fashion trends in diagnosis. But other doctors are near perfect in the reproducibility of their results compared to psychiatrists. Psychiatrists are notorious for diagnosing the same person differently. They are notorious for covering all bases by “throwing the book” at a patient with a diagnosis of several disorders. And they are notorious for following fashion trends in diagnosis.
Moreover, for obvious reasons, the profession attracts more than its share of narcissists and others manifestly odd and eccentric. In one of the universities I attended, the whole psych department was flaky except for one – yes but one – professor.
Sorry, I know it’s taboo to know this truth, but I do. Every profession attracts more than its share of something that doesn’t belong there. For example, the priesthood and the teaching profession attract more than their share of pedophiles. Police work attracts more than its share of bullies. And so on. So, let’s face it: psychology attracts more than it’s share of fruitcakes.
What does this mean? Does it mean that we should doubt everything the established medical authorities say? No. It just means that they aren’t infallible and that, if what they say doesn’t square with logic and observation, you should have a healthy skepticism.
Reason 2
Just because there is such a thing as the martyr complex doesn’t mean that it applies to a relationship with a narcissist. A person with a martyr complex isn’t really abused and doesn’t seek real abuse. He or she likes to imagine themselves abused and portray themselves as abused.
There’s a big difference between that and seeking real abuse!
Reason 3
In my own little slice of the world, this is what I have observed and learned from other victims: there is such a thing as the cycle of abuse. It does cause the victim to behave in ways that seem strange to outside observers – as if they are “asking for it.”
People’s bad habit of always tending to blame the victim makes everyone jump to the conclusion that this is so = that they are "asking for it." But in the cases I know of, it never was.
In fact, the victims of narcissists behave exactly the same way the victims of all torture and brainwashing do, exactly the way all hostages do. So, strange as it seems, this behavior is the reaction of NORMAL people to abuse.
All the tortured cling to the torturer for dear life. All hostages exhibit the Stockholm Syndrome. This has been known since at least the Dark Ages. Professional torturers (executioners) and the Inquisition understood this phenomenon and deliberately exploited it to make their victims betray themselves to abuse.
Why do normal people do this under duress? It’s because you’re taking right-side-up people and putting them in a pervert’s upside-down world. You’re taking people acting on normal human premises and having those reactions play right into pervert’s perverted premises.
The abuser always makes the victim totally dependant on him before he starts abusing. So, what is the victim going to do? She has no choice but to try to soften a stone-cold heart. This is nothing but appeasement. The helpless have no other option.
We see this happening on a massive scale today in the bizarre efforts to appease the abuses of Islamofascist mobs and terrorists the world over. “Don’t make them mad! Don’t think badly of them for what they do. Apologize for making them abuse us by making them mad at us. Blame ourselves for everything they do to us. Bend over for it with a smile. Suck up. Then maybe they will soften and like us and stop abusing us.”
Pass me the puke bucket, please. The West has no excuse for such cowardly appeasement, because the West isn’t helpless. The western nations are just too unwilling to stop squabbling among themselves, get real, and unite against a common enemy (a problem the West has had since the Fall of the Roman Empire).
But the victims of narcissist often ARE helpless.
And even when they aren’t, when they can and do try to fight back, some holier-than-thou comes along and says it’s a sin. Then the whole world gangs up and jumps on the victim’s back saying, “Yes, stop it. Stop fighting because that’s a sin.”
Who has a strong enough backbone to stand up to that? This merciless suppression of any effort at self-defense breaks the victim’s back. Then these same holier-than-thous turn around and say, “See? She just takes it. So, she likes it. She’s asking for it.”
Perhaps THEY are the ones who need their heads examined, not the victim they thus play Catch-22 with.
I see no self-masochism in this victim, do you? I just see a normal human being in Catch-22.
What is Catch-22? It’s the English translation of the Italian phrase for the 22nd "malbowge" ("evil pouch/pocket") of Nether Hell in Dante's Inferno. That's the lowest pit of hell, the place where the treacherous, the traitors, get to experience their sin on the receiving end. It’s where Dante put Judas priests, the likes of people who invite a family to dinner and then lock them in a tower to starve to death, as well as Julius Caesar’s “friend” Brutus and Judas Iscariot.
As I’ve said in other posts, the victim WILL feel shame for bending over for it, to the extent that he or she failed to resist as much as possible. And, as I’ve said, this is why the victim must never be condemned for fighting back.
But, come on, knuckling under to abuse isn’t the same thing as liking it and wanting it. Normal people may knuckle under. But only sick-in-the-head people could like it and ask for it. So, my hunch is that cases of co-dependence in narcissism are either rare or never occur.
People ASSUME that the victim wants abuse in their IGNORANCE of the real and understandable reasons why the victim doesn’t fight back or run away.
SOURCE
The sun shines
And people forget
The spray flies as the speedboat glides
And people forget
Forget they're hiding
The girls smile
And people forget
The snow packs as the skier tracks
And people forget
Forget they're hiding.
Behind an eminence front
Behind an eminence front
Eminence front - It's a put on.
Eminence front - it's a put on.
The drinks flow
People forget
That big wheel spins, the hair thins
People forget
Forget they're hiding
The news slows
People forget
The shares crash, hopes are dashed
People forget
Forget they're hiding.
Behind an eminence front
Behind an eminence front
Eminence front - it's a put on
Eminence front - it's a put on
Come on join the party
Dress to
Come on join the party
Dress to kill
Dress yourself, dressed to kill.
Eminence Front - The Who
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