"happily marred" - 5 new articles
The Mystery of Marriage - Sex: The Healing of Shame
The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame (Gen 2:25)
“When the Creator visited His creation to dwell in it bodily, it was not as a star that He came, nor as a lightning bolt, nor as a white whale or a holy book or a spirit only, but as a man… The human body, then, possesses a glory that is unique in all the earth (glory in the ordinary sense of “awe-inspiring beauty, “ but also in the special biblical sense of the “spiritual made visible “), and it is in the peculiar dazzle of nakedness that this glory is most obvious, most tantalizing and revealing” (127). “Human beings are, after all, the only creatures that can be naked, the only creatures in which this bizarre unveiling can take place. For in everything else, whether animate or inanimate, nakedness is axiomatic (self-evident). Trees may be clothed in their autumn splendor or the sea wear a mantle of light — but only by analogy with human clothing. Mankind alone puts an araficial covering over his body. Everything else stands star/c; staring naked at the sight of God and is not ashamed” (128).
SHAME: A painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety. 2) A condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute: IGNOMiNY: Deep personal humiliation and regret. “The implication is clear: it is not primarily that because we get cold or wet that we must cover ourselves up. It was not forty below with blowing snow in Paradise! No, we dress because we sin, and even the finest clothing is like the striped suitfa jailbird, a sign and a reminder that man is an unholy fugitive, in hidingfrom God andfrom his fellows” (129). Remember our Theme? Sex is a powerful outward symbol of the inner temper of a marital relationship. With that in mind, “it should be clear that sex must never be depended upon to establish love but can only grow out of it” (139). Friends, you may be laughing your way to a better marriage, or a better sex life; you may think that books, magazines, videos, or even therapy may make things better in the bedroom, and it may for a time, but for change to be lasting you must profoundly change your attitude at the emotional and spiritual level. Mason states that the sex life DEMANDS a loving gift of the self, the sincere devotion of the whole heart (139). Application: Sex does not make you love, but it is an expression of it. The quality of your marriage depends upon (with few exceptions) a wholesome and mutually satisfying sex life. Your feelings toward one another will be reflected in your sex life, which is not dependent upon technique, but upon mutual devotion to one another, the sacrificial giving of yourselves both emotionally and spiritually. The Mystery of Marriage - Vows: Love is a Choice
He who loves his wife loves himself - Ephesians 5:28 Theme: A vow is more than a promise or an agreement to one another, but a solenm promise made to God. “The call to be married bears comparison with Jesus’ advice to the rich young man to sell all his possessions and to follow him. It is a vocation of total abandonment. For most people, in fact, marriage is the single most wholehearted step they will ever take toward the fulfillment of Jesus’ command to love one ‘s neighbor as oneself For every marriage partner begins as a neighbor, and often enough a neighbor who has been left beaten and wounded on the road of love, whom all the rest of the world has in a sense passed by’ (103). What does the wedding vow mean to a Christian couple? The vows that a couple makes at their wedding are much more than ritualistic trite sayings, but are in fact holy pledges. These may “be the only truly sacred words that that ever escape a couple ‘s mouths. The saying of them requires about thirty seconds, but the keeping of them is the work of a lfetime” (105). What then is the difference between a promise and a vow? Vow: A solemn promise made to God either to do or to abstain from some action. Or, an older dictionary states that it is voluntary, but once made is conscientiously fulfilled (Deut 23:21-23; Ecc 1:5; Neh 1.15; Ps 1, 14; Prov 20:25. (Someone has said that a promise is temporal, and a vow is eternal — what do you think)? “To keep a vow, however, does not mean to keep from breaking it. This is where a vow dffers from a mere promise or resolution. A resolution, once broken, must either be forgotten or made again. But a vow retains its power and validity irrespective of conduct” (105). "To keep a vow, therefore, means not to keep from breaking it, but to devote the rest of one ‘s flfe to discovering what the vow means, and be willing to change and grow accordingly” (106). The marriage vows are impossible to keep and impossible to walk away from (104). You cannot promise to love another person, but you can vow to love them (106). What does it mean to vow something to someone? When the feelings are gone, is the commitment gone? NO! That is why, as Mason states, “the taking of vows is an act of faith” (109). “If people were faithful by nature, vows would not be necessary; their yes would be yes and their no would be no. But it is because people are not inherently faithful nor honest nor loving that hey must stand up and declare that they will be. The public declaration does not automatically transform them into marvelous creatures of virtue who will always keep to their word. On the contrary, it only makes more obvious and public their complete lack ofpersonal virtue, calling upon the witness and support of the whole community of their friends and relatives and emphasizing their dependence upon resources that are utterly beyond human strength. The marriage vows give glory to God” (109). Do you believe that God actually helps you keep your vows, helps you to continue to love your spouse, or is it your own diligence that keeps you two together? Our marriages find themselves rooted in the biblical concept of Covenant. This is where “two parties so bind themselves to one another that the simple maintenance of their relationship becomes the most important and central thing in all of itfe, and the basis from which everything else flows” (117). Application: We are to love our spouse with a vowed love that is not dependent upon happiness or any of the hallmarks of success. Ask God for His grace and mercy to love your spouse with His faithfulness, His compassion, His perseverance, and His strength. You may not be in love, but God will give you the strength to love and that is a very good thing. A vow is more than a promise or an agreement to one another, but a solenm promise made to God.The Mystery Of Marriage - Love: The Winged Locomotive
Tonite Rich Bassett began a 6 week series based on "The Mystery of Marriage" by Mike Mason. Click on the link to buy it on Amazon.com. These are the notes Rich provided us - I’ll post them here each week in case you want to look at them later.
How beautiful you are my darling! Oh how beautiful! . . . You have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes (Song of Songs 4:1, 9) . In The Dungeon: “In marriage, one of the deepest and most ethereal mysteries in all of life is demystfied before our very eyes. For when we get married, love itself comes to live with us. That thing we have been chasing ever since we were old enough to believe (however naively) that it must or could be sought, has taken off all its clothes and stretched itself out on our very own bed and announced that it is here to stay… That which was unapproachable becomes that which cannot be gotten rid of’ (59). • No one escapes love without the feeling of imprisonment (60) • Marriage is like a steel trap that will not let you go • Matt 11:28-30, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” The picture of the YOKE is a great example of two people coupled together for a greater good. “there is only one way to get untrapped, and that is to relax and start learning more about love than we ever wanted to know” (61).
Kismet or Grace? “One question that is raised as to whether falling in love is a matter offate or coincidence. We wonder whether there is one special person for us, or whether given just the right circumstances we might equally fall in love with any number of suitable candidates, or indeed with anyone at all” (66). If you believe that God has ordained your relationship from the beginning of time, does that ruin the freshness and spontaneity of the love? As you love, are you able to do it unselfishly? Mason says that when a person hears that they are loved by their spouse; do they realize that they are being told that they are loved by God? “The love of others is intended to be one of the clearest of all signs that to us that we are indeed loved by God. For whoever truly loves, loves the Lord, and whoever is loved, is loved by the Lord” (74). Offense, Defense and Apology
Our re-started marriage group met for the first time last night. We talked about what we will be studying and I talked some about contracts and covenants in marriage. Mostly we just hung out and talked - getting to know one another. On the way home I asked Vickie what she thought about the night; how it went. I could tell she was a little reserved - maybe tired or something, but then I asked her what she thought about what I talked about. She said "Well, it was a little repititious and oh by the way, if you ever do that again I’m just going to quit doing things with you". "Do what?" "Embarrass me." "Me?" "Tonite?" "When?" "How?" Wow - we’re in the middle of a mini-crisis and I was completely blindsided. What did I miss? The Offense Earlier in the evening, while talking about nutrition and such, Vickie had said "We’re almost completely organic now" to someone. I said "Yeah? Since when is Cool Whip organic?" I thought it was pretty funny and some other people were laughing too. They may have been laughing at something else entirely, but I’m pretty sure my comment added to the levity and light-hearted banter of the evening. The Defense This innocuous comment had offended and embarrassed her and I didn’t realize it, so having just spent an hour talking about covenant marriage, naturally, I mounted a defense: "It was just a joke" This has surely never ended a conflict, especially with your wife. "Oh, I see. Well, now that you mention it, it was pretty funny. Gosh I wish I had realized it was a joke, I wouldn’t have been nearly as humiliated." This response is reflexive; like raising your hands up in front of you right before you are hit by a bus - it’s useless and you look stupid doing it. "I didn’t mean for it to hurt you." The lamest of lame excuses. "Oh, well then, since you are mearly careless and insensitive rather than malicious and vindictive, forget I mentioned it." Invoking these 2 instinctive defenses virtually pleads your guilt, and assures your conviction. "I’m sorry if it hurt you." Though I’m not particularly sorry I said it - next time I say something insensitive or mean, soldier up a bit so I don’t have to apologize for something that is clearly your problem. This rounded out my initial appeal to dismiss, but that wasn’t happening. After a little introspection, I realized I must be magnanimous and apologize, So I said "Vickie, I really am sorry for hurting you and I won’t do it again" She said "Yes you will, you do it all the time". I said "Hyperbole! You used hyperbole! It cancels your argument and I win! I win!" I didn’t really say that, but like most men, I despise inaccuracy - I don’t always do anything. I must admit here that I well know Vickie is the Queen of Hyperbole. If you have ever talked to her, you’ve heard her say she’s done something 5 million times or she’ll use a quadruple inflective (that color is so, so, so, so you!). She even makes up words because the 20 or 30,000 available in the language are not descriptive enough (pincy-winny means very, very small in Vickish). I know she meant that I do it a lot. The Apology Nevertheless, I was put off by having now to apologize for yet another offense, though after some more introspection I had to admit (to myself) that I did like to use her as a jumping off point for my jokes and that maybe gigging her on the domestic front was little below the belt. So I sat down to figure out how I could say "I’m really, really, really sorry and I really won’t do that anymore" with any kind of credibility. As I was constructing my soliloquy, Vickie came in the room and said " I’m sorry I got so mad at you, will you forgive me?" Unbeleivable! In that short apology she embodied everything I had been talking about concerning a covenant marriage. She took unilateral responsibility to mend our broken fellowship by offering an apology she didn’t owe. She did it graciously, witholding nothing and requiring nothing in return. I spent half the day and the entire evening studying and talking about this subject and she was wearing it like an old shoe - it was second nature to her. Man, she is gonna pay for this. A New Start - Tuesday, June 17th
We’re going to RE-START our community group to try to accomodate more people. Beginning Tuesday, June 17 at 7:00 PM we’ll start meeting at the church and we will have childcare available for you parents with young ones. This kick-off night will be an opportunity to meet each other and talk about what we’ll be doing. Here’s a brief overview of our purpose, mission and what you can expect: This community group will start at 7:PM each Tuesday and end at 9:00. We’ll start with some snacks and hanging out and move into a lesson / discussion and prayer time around 7:30 - 7:45. This will be a couple’s group and our studies will be designed for husbands and wives together, but if you are single and want to get a head start on this journey - by all means, come on in. The group study will be loosely enough arranged that a couple could start at any time and would not be "behind". The focus of the group is simply healthy marriages. Couples of any age will be comfortable and will find relevance for their situation and will be able to contribute to others through their marriage experience. In other words, we hope this group will help us develop happier, more productive and more God-honoring marriages and to help each other in the tough spots. We’ll put our written materials online here each week along with recommended reading materials. Be sure to add your comments or get the log-in information from us to put up your own post. Send us an email to let us know you’re coming: tsteiden@insightbb.com . Thanks More Recent Articles |
