'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow - 5 new articles
Fiddler, Piper, and Practical are the three porcine brothers in Disney's 1933 animated short "The Three Little Pigs." Fiddler and Piper are named for their preferred instruments, and Practical is the pig with foresight and a bunch of bricks.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the pinche cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh shit,", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
Warning!!! Bathing suits could be a major contributor to drowning deaths! In fact, informal research shows that IN 99.99999% of drowning deaths, the victims were invariably wearing a bathing suits or some other equally inappropriate article of clothing! Where as people who feign the bathing suit, swimming naturally as God intended (so called skinny dippers) tended to tempt this ill fate of accidental drowning is virtually undocumented anywhere!
It is no great stretch of the imagination that people who risk the bathing suit also probably make many other equally stupid, life threatening further contributing to the loss of life. But the bathing suit, or some other articles of clothing alone or in combination seem to be the greatest common denominator among all drowning deaths, so be warned. With a government so avowed to serve and protect us from even out own stupidity such that almost no freedom remains sacred - this researcher is amazed that there is no government department nor program to save us from the peril of the bathing suit. No doubt the textile/fashion lobby is perhaps even more powerful that government itself and would do anything to thwart such an initiative. Yet any other product that accounts for or is so closely associated with so many deaths annually would immediately come under VERY strict scrutiny! At the very least, a WARNING Label for gosh sakes in EVERY bathing suits!!
"WARNING: Besides unsightly tan lines this product has (at the very least) been shown to be closely associated with drowning deaths!! Any attempt to try to swim in this thing could result in immediate death!"
At least, we need and deserve a Federal Law that prohibits 'swimming while impaired" by a bathing suit. Fine, if you want to wear one on the beach - BUT NOT IN THE WATER!
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