How to Tell even the Ugliest Truth!
So, your partner has just asked a tough question, like, “Is it OK with you if I hang out with the guys tonight (for the third time this week!)?" Or, "Does it bother you that I’ve gained 10 pounds?”
Now, you’re squirming in awkward silence. You’ve got precisely 15 seconds to decide: Do I tell the truth or offer a little white lie?
If you’re like many people, it’s tempting to offer up what seems like an innocent fib, “Oh sure, have a great time. Tell the guys I said hello.”
That’s because many people have a deeply ingrained desire to please, reinforced by societal standards that suggest that people, especially women, should avoid offending others at all costs.
But what most folks aren’t aware of are the subtle, but growing costs of cumulative white lies. Although the little fib is usually used to make someone feel better or avoid hurting their feelings, over time, it actually has the opposite effect on your relationship.
In fact, avoiding the truth actually puts stress on your relationship, eventually creating feelings of distance, resentment, and dissatisfaction.
So, even LITTLE white lies aren’t doing your relationship any favors!
The next time you’re tempted to take the easy way out and offer a fib, realize that those uncomfortable moments are actually invitations to step closer to your partner by offering your authentic thoughts and feelings.
When you learn to always share your truth from a heart-felt place, it will have a freeing effect on you both that actually increases feelings of trust, closeness, and commitment. And best of all, your needs will be met more of the time.
But how do you offer your truth in a way that will bring you closer, not push your partner away?
It’s easy once you master the Truth Sandwich.
Serving Up a Truth Sandwich: 3 Steps to Sharing Your Truth in Any Situation
The essence of a truth sandwich is that you find a way of sharing your real thoughts and feelings that will lift up your partner, not bring him or her down. To do this, it’s easy to sandwich your truth between 2 relationship-bonding statements.
Step 1: Appreciate their Intent
If your man wants to hang with the guys again, let him know you really appreciate him asking your opinion first. Try a statement like, “I really appreciate you checking in with me about your plans- that’s so thoughtful.”
Step 2: Offer a Gentle Version of Your Truth
Once you’ve opened up with appreciation, you’ve softened the way for your truth. Continue with a gentle way to share how you really feel.
If you’ve been missing your guy and really wish he’d hang with you instead, try something like, “You know, I was just thinking about how much I’ve been missing some one- on- one time with you.”
Step 3: Wrap Up with a Suggestion
Then finish with a suggestion that will bring you closer together.
Experiment with something like, “Maybe we could meet for some sushi then crash on the couch for a movie instead? Or if you’re really jazzed about being with the guys tonight- let’s schedule a date later this week.”
This way you are still offering him free choice. But chances are, once you opened up and let your partner know how much you’ve been craving some time together, he’ll actually rather spend time with you! By having the courage to share how you really feel, you create the opportunity for more closeness, which is a win-win for you both.
Readers: We want your take- are white lies, no matter how little, bad for your relationship or are they a simple part of life? If you do tell fibs here and there, what is acceptable and what is not?
QUESTION: My boyfriend seems to love me but he keeps lying about his relationship with his Ex. Obviously, they are more than friends. Is there any hope for us?
ANSWER: Frankly, the only reason your partner is lying to you is that he KNOWS the truth isn’t acceptable. Otherwise, he wouldn’t need to keep hiding his thoughts, feelings, and actions involving his ex.
Sadly, if someone keeps lying, that means that there is something to hide!
Unless you’re OK sharing your beau with his ex, chances are it’s time to move on.
Clearly, his heart and mind are still involved with another woman. No matter how well the two of you get along, if he’s still stuck on feelings for his ex- he simply isn’t 100% available to be committed to you, heart and soul.
And you deserve to have a whole man to yourself- one who loves you without need to divide his time and attention.
If you are so right for each other AND the time comes when he is wholly available (and I mean it’s been 6 months or more without ANY involvement with the EX), you could consider rebuilding a relationship, but until then, you are settling for second best.
Readers, what do you think? If someone still holds a torch for an ex, should you bail right away or give it time and feel things out? Leave us a comment!
If you’re single, you probably cringe when someone brings up the dreaded V-day, one of the loneliest holidays for the unhitched.
That’s because, surrounded by images of happy couples reveling in love, it’s hard not to focus on the fact that you’re not getting any!
But here’s an interesting irony.
As long as you’re focused on what makes you unhappy, all of the feelings of sadness, frustration, and helplessness- your Love Faucet is closed.
Love literally can’t come your way because when you walk around bummed out, your body language doesn’t attract other people, it actually repels them.
So, this Valentine’s day there is a simple key to launch you from surviving to thriving: Focus on giving love.
Rather than going on about your love woes and the love you aren’t getting, step into being a Giver of Love- to everyone in your path- from the barista at your coffee shop, to your cranky co-worker hunched at his desk, to the harried waitress serving up dinner.
When you focus on giving love, you immediately light up. Those warm and fuzzies you’re passing around? They automatically make you look more attractive to other people- drawing them to you.
Even better, once you are being love, your Love Faucet is turned back on and you are now having the Experience of Love.
Top 5 Ideas to Boost Your Love
- As you are out and about, gift everyone whose eyes you meet a huge smile while sending a beam of love.
- Send an over-due thank you note to someone who touched your heart.
- Give a genuine compliment to everyone you interact with- from friends to colleagues to service workers.
- Offer someone you know is feeling down or having bad luck a tiny trinket that symbolizes hope, love, or the power of dreams.
- On a note card, write the phrases, “You are loved. Pass it on.” Leave the note in a public place, like your co-worker’s desk, a table at the mall food-court, or even hand it to a stranger you pass on the street!
Get in the habit of giving love and it’s only a matter of time until you’ll be the recipient of the loving you’ve been waiting for.
But why wait? This Valentine’s Day, step into giving the love, which will help you feel the love, which will lead you right into attracting the love you long for!
Readers: What helps you step into experiencing love by giving love? Please share!
Have you spent too long trying to make Mr./Ms. Wrong fall in love with you? You know the type- the one you’re always pursuing because they forever seem to be just out of reach.
Sadly, many singles squander away time pursuing a relationship that has no future, when they could be busy finding real love.
But the drama of being on an emotional roller coaster
with a Commitment-Phobe can be a tad addicting, luring you in with juicy highs, and the hope that maybe underneath it all they could be The One.
So, how can you tell when you’re wasting your time? When the person you’re dating has no intention of committing to you?
The bottom line is that when two people really like each other, they automatically enact the Principle of Equal Investment.
In other words, both partners invest equal amounts of time, energy, and emotion.
Check out these tell-tale signs that their investment isn’t up to par, as well as what to do about it.
1. You Always Reach Out First
If you’re always beating your date to an email, text, or call- then you’re extending more effort. If you waited to reach out, would it be a few days, a week, 2 weeks before you heard from them? You better find out!
Solution: Give'em Space
The more you pursue a commitment-phobe, the more they withdraw. So, wait for them to make contact first. When they does reach out, don’t jump to connect- take your time returning the message.
2. They Only Make Last Minute Plans
A commitment-phobe likes to keep their options open, so they typically only initiate plans with you at the last minute. Sure, they might agree to something you’ve planned sooner- but they won’t make that move personally.
Solution: Make Your Own Plans
When you have a full life of fun, you’ll be less needy and more attractive. So make your own plans with friends and never change them just to be with them. If they really want to spend time with you, they'll learn to schedule time sooner. Let them pursue you.
3. You’re an Outsider to their World
When a person isn’t ready to commit, they'll keep you separate from their world of work, friends, and family. If you’ve been dating more than 6 weeks and haven’t met anyone important to them yet, they are clearly unsure if you belong in their life.
Solution: Invite Yourself In
When your partner does call, say you’d love to meet their friends. Offer to set up a friendly group date- with some of your friends and theirs. When a person really wants to be with you, they want
to show you off! If they balk- it’s a sign they are not right for you.
4. You’re Skating on the Superficial Surface
Does your partner still feel like a stranger? That’s because they aren't ready to invite you into their inner life. If you have to pry the deeper thoughts and feelings out, then they not choosing to connect on an authentic level.
Solution: Share Your Vision
When two people click, it’s natural for them to talk about their vision for the future- their hopes, fears, and dreams for a better life. So bring up your own wishes, you don’t have to talk about the future of the relationship. If your partner doesn’t get engaged with this conversation, it’s a clear sign they not invested in you yet.
If after stepping back and trying these tips for up to a month, your partner still isn’t filling that space by connecting more deeply and regularly with you, then it’s time to move on to a person who values you as much as you value them!
Readers: What signs has your commitment-phobe given you and what did you do about it? Please share!
Thanks to Galtime.com for publishling this original article.
If you’re still single, chances are you’re ready to find the right partner and begin enjoying the benefits of happy coupledom.
To boost your odds of finding the right match, here are some commitments you can make to yourself to ensure you really will
attract the perfect partner.
Resolution 1: Re-Boot the Inner You
Every single has ideas that are holding you back: thoughts of lack, limitation, or impossibility that keep you from attracting the kind of high quality partner you deserve. Whether you think you are too old, too big, too short, or too broke to find real love, it’s only a myth because there is someone for everyone.
Don’t let inaccurate perceptions stop you from stepping out and staying in the game of love.
Clean up your self-talk until the messages you give yourself about love are energizing and uplifting. That inner sparkle will attract outer attention!
Resolution 2: Restyle the Outer You
Once you clean up the inner you, the outer you could use some polish. Consider which aspect of your physical appearance needs updating- hair, clothes, fitness?- to go along with your new attitude. Discover what would make you feel like a great catch, and then let your new confidence highlight your fresh features.
When you look great, you feel great and that will be attractive to the perfect kind of partner!
Resolution 3: Resist Inaction
Most singles get frustrated after a couple of let-downs, then they give up their search for real love.
But to be successful at attracting the ideal partner this year, you’ve got to stay in action, rotating your strategies until someone clicks.
Commit to a novel act or activity at least twice a month
, whether it’s trying a new online dating site, going to a different singles event, or even getting your coffee or lunch at an unusual location. By mixing it up, you’ll increase your exposure to new people- any of whom may be the perfect match!
Resolution 4: Stay on Track
Once you’re dating, it can be hard to remember that your ultimate outcome is to find the best partner, not just any partner. It’s easy to just keep sliding forward in a barely right relationship, wasting precious time you could be using to find a great match.
So give any budding bond 3 months
and if it’s missing momentum, bow out and stay on the lookout for someone who really is your ideal partner!
With these 4 commitments, you’ll be on your way to attracting the kind of love that really can
last a lifetime!
Readers: What commitment are you ready to make to ensure you will find love this year? Please share!
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